It's something that seems to elude the majority of people, especially during the holidays.  Indeed, it practically escaped me until tonight.  The days before were spent searching for tokens - of acknowledgement, gifts that may or may not be useful or cherished ...

... the faces of the people flashed by me in a whirlwind of frenzy - numbness glazed their eyes and they all marched by like drones that had long since become unaware of caring or purpose.  I almost lost myself in the despair of this realization ... on Christmas Eve at that; the light temporarily doused by a fierce gust of WHY.

"WHY do we allow ourselves to become caught up in the ritual, materialistic gathering of 'things'" - things with no useful purpose.   We give these THINGS as tokens of our relationships and friendships when what we should be giving is ourselves, our time, our attention.

It lost meaning for me today ... somewhere between stressing about what gift to get, who to get for, and the counting and comparing Christmas cards sent and received.  "Does it seem like less people are sending cards this year, or is it just me?"

Indeed.

I needed something to make me innocent again.  God how I long to feel like a child again at Christmas - breathing in the freshness of the world and exhaling a new learning with each day.  We all seem to lose this innocence the older we become and the closer we flirt with the hard edge of Life's experience.  And yet I realized that innocence is not lost, it is only FORGOTTEN.

I needed something to make me innocent again.  So after the hectic day had almost wound away  and the first fingers of twilight had begun to grasp the earth - I lit the Christmas tree - a simple tree with simple ornaments and lots of lights because light is something there seems to be so little of in this world -

- lit a few candles and listened to some holiday music because music is the voice of the soul and my soul had been silenced for too long -

and I prayed. 

... prayed for innocence, understanding, enlightenment.

... prayed that Man would stop this night - just for a few seconds - and feel the warmth of TRUE MEANING blaze up within its icy cold heart. 

Can I remember the innocence and reclaim true meaning for my family, my friends, mySELF?  God please let it be so.

Soulhunt'r