THROUGH TRAGEDY TO LIFE
by Michael Bischoff

Although I knew when I entered the mental health profession that I would one day have to deal with a client suicide, I had always hoped it wouldn’t happen until far down the road. Alas, 17 months into the field, just as this holiday season began, the first such tragedy touched me. Ten days later, a second client mysteriously passed away. Nobody really knows how to react when events such as these occur, nor can we ever really know what went on (internally or externally) to cause the event to happen at all.

What can we learn from the tragic ends to human lives? I think most of us come away from funerals with a better sense of how precious life is: how quickly it can be taken away and how we really should show our love for others more. I additionally find myself looking around me and realizing how, compared to life and love, much of what we value is really rather valueless. I’m as guilty as anyone else when it comes to worrying about having “nice things,” or being “fashionable” or acting “acceptable.” I’ll spend all my free time cleaning my apartment (so I can be acceptable), for example, rather than reaching out to friends I haven’t contacted in a long time. I’ll worry about getting a raise or a promotion or making my independent business projects successful, and find another week  has gone by without time with loved ones.

Two years ago, a colleague in radio died suddenly and I vowed to stop wasting my time on projects that did little or nothing to bring love to others or myself. Two years later, I haven’t been able to do it yet. Now the challenge is fresh before me again, this time with the added dimension of setting a good example for clients and anyone familiar with my work promoting love.

I want to celebrate life. I want to experience all the joy it can offer and help others find it as well, just like two years ago. Having said that before, though, I wonder if I can do it. This thing called “real love” is not easy, even for someone dedicated to it. How to make it happen, I ponder, searching for a way to have an impact on myself and others. Apparently, a strong and firm resolution must be made. At the same time, though, I think we must realize love is a lifelong process. We can’t suddenly become incredibly loving any more than we can suddenly become an incredible basketball player. In order to be more loving--in order to rid our lives of the things that don’t matter--we must first love ourselves the way we are, and accept that we need improvement. That’s hard for me, because I want to have it all down pat now!

In retrospect, though, that probably causes me to take longer to get where I want to be, since I’ll be so disappointed in having not made it yet, I’ll give up. What’s more, I know I’ve become at least a little more loving in the two years since my first resolution, so I need to take pride in that and use it to keep me going. Realistically, too, I may never get to be as loving as I want to be, but I know it won’t be for lack of trying. If nothing else, I think that’s going to be what I come away with from the death of these clients. If I can at least end each day knowing I’m a tiny step closer to my goals, I can feel good about myself. Some days, I might even have to be glad I just stood still and didn’t go backwards; I at least made an effort. Perhaps if I can teach that to others, they, too, can benefit. Perhaps with this knowledge, no other clients will lose their lives for a long time.  Let’s all continue to strive towards a more loving lifestyle, and at the same time, be patient and understanding with ourselves and others, knowing as long as we’re trying, we’re doing okay.

from SIMPLY LOVE